Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Final Post (For Now): From The Other Side


Life works in funny ways. One minute you can be miserable and feel like everything is hopeless, and the next you feel on top of the world.

An interesting trend in Jewish blogs, specifically blogs begun while one is single, it that once the person finds their significant other, they stop blogging (Cymbaline aside, though even she hasn't posted in 5 months). The reason why, I believe, is because one has so much to say, so much they HAVE to share, and blogging becomes their (often only) outlet. But then they meet someone they can share everything with. All their ideas, their hopes, dreams, everything. Suddenly, they no longer need the blog as an outlet. Not anymore.

I've met my significant other (thanks in part to this blog, actually, as well as fellow blogger For Real, who actually wrote about my future wife in her first post). Not long ago, I got engaged. My time was limited as it was, and I'd been blogging less frequently (not due to a lack of ideas, but a lack of time). However, the drive is gone now. I want to share my ideas with my future wife, and don't feel the need to share them with anyone else. That isn't to say I'm done writing, or that there will never be another post, but for now this is my last.

Thanks for reading, you've been a wonderful audience. May you all be zoche to find what I've found.

Friday, June 27, 2014

For Real

I just like to give a heads up that For Real (who previously guest posted on my blog here and here), has launched her own blog at justaregularfrumwomanforreal.blogspot.com. Check it out.

(Note: Her views do not necessarily reflect my own.)

Monday, June 23, 2014

Emuna


Life rarely goes the way we plan. It can be frustrating. Heartbreaking. Soulcrushing. But we have to soldier on. Sometimes Hashem gives you something to make the pill easier to swallow. Perhaps its someone to help you through it, someone to take your mind off it. Maybe its hearing something that makes you glad your biggest problem is what it is, and not the problem of a friend. Sometimes it just seems impossible to understand the mind of God. Why would he do something like this, to someone who obviously doesn't deserve it? This week's parsha of the parah aduma can, to an extent, help. We aren't always meant to understand His plan. We just have to accept it, and follow in His ways to the best of our ability. That's what faith is all about.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Don't Let It Be For Nothing


So you've just got out of a relationship. Be it a few months, be it a few years, you feel angry, and rightfully so. Was all that for nothing? Were you just wasting your time? Well that's up to you. People will always be going in and out of are lives, with few ever sticking around. But that doesn't mean that relationship was for nothing. There's something to learn from everyone. When you got into this relationship, you were one kind of person, and so was your partner. Throughout it, you both changed somewhat. In many ways, for the better. Perhaps you became better people, more considerate, more religious, whatever the case may be. Now though, the relationship is over. You find yourself quickly becoming the person you once were, those months or years ago. But you don't have to be. It would be a shame, to throw away the person you've became, what you've learned about yourself, spiritually, and emotionally. It might be easy to revert back to who you were, but then you really have wasted your time. You don't want all those years to be for nothing, do you?

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Music Thoughts

In honor of Lag B'Omer (and finally being allowed to listen to music) I've decided to share my scatterbrained thoughts on a few songs. (Please note that most of these songs contain kol isha.) If this is well received, I may do more segments like this.

"Pompeii" by Bastille
"Where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?" I love this line. When something bad happens, what do you do? Do you fix the problem? Or perhaps look within yourself and try and fix yourself, your actions and habits? Teshuva and practicality are both important, and can and should be done simultaneously.

"Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne
Whenever I heard this song, I always thought that girl Avril was singing about is much better off than if she ended up with that skater boy. She has a fulfilling life, a child, but oh, because this punk made it as a rock star (because they're such great boyfriend/husband material) she's supposed to regret it? Avril Lavigne herself has been married several times. Sure, it may be nice to daydream about (I understand girls do it all the time), but really, who would actually want to be in a relationship with a celebrity? Good riddance, skater boy.

"Girl At Home" by Taylor Swift
"And it would be a fine proposition, If I was a stupid girl, And yeah I might go with it, If I hadn't once been just like her." Oh, how I dislike Taylor in this song. Cheating is wrong. Facilitating cheating is wrong. I don't think that's something most folks argue with. I find it messed up that Taylor seems to imply here that you have to have been cheated on to know not to facilitate cheating with a presumably married man. I'm not entirely sure why, but this reminds me somewhat of a much more horrible song with a deceptively charming tune, "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker, wherein the singer actively tries to convince a married woman that she should sleep with him. It just disturbs me.

"All Too Well" by Taylor Swift
This is probably my favorite Taylor Swift song (and you know I adore her work). I think its because all of us meet people only to fade out of their life after a time, and its nice to imagine you had some sort of impact, that they haven't forgotten you, that it wasn't all for nothing.

Its nice to imagine you mattered.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

What's Become of Me?

As the days, months, and years go by, I don't feel like I'm changing all that much, but I am, and not always for the better. Sometimes I see myself stumbling, and other times I just wake up one morning and look at myself, shocked at what's become of me.

Throughout my life, I've only kept by and large just Frum Jewish friends. Even in college, I'd hang out with only the Jewish students. Sure, I'd be friendly with the non-Jews, but never friends. There was never a need to be. I'd get comments in class about how straight-laced I was, not dressing bummish and not using foul language. But as time moved on, I graduated and found myself friendless. My non-college friends are married, B"H, some with children even, and don't really have time for me. I'd see them once every few months at best. As for my college 'friends,' well you're only really friends when its convenient, and when its inconvenient for both of you, it soon slips away.

So I begin graduate school, not knowing anyone. Friendless, again. I get a few friends, Frum Jews, of course, but since there aren't any in my group, I rarely see them. It soon became necessary for me to make friends (or attempt to make friends) with gentiles. And that's fine, they all seem like a decent group of people. Except for one thing: how they talk. The string of obscenities seems unending. They use them in ways I've never thought or heard of. At first I couldn't believe my ears. I felt really uncomfortable at first. But now, nearing the second semester, I've grown used to it. Worse, its beginning to effect me in ways I never imagined.
I've been watching TV shows with bad language ever since the last year of high school, begining with South Park, and it's never effected me. But being around, being friendly, and conversing with people who use foul language on a regular basis, I've found myself using it here and there. Not just like if I stub my toe, with might be somewhat more excusable, but the other day I found myself using it in a regular sentence. How did I turn into this? I want to stop. I want to change back into the more innocent person I once was. It's scaring me.


(I actually wrote most of this a while back, and since then I've been working on myself, and have gotten better. Still a slip up here and there, but better.)

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Not Me



As I stand there in my suit, looking around, smiling. All eyes are on the two of them. My little brother and his new fiancĂ© are swarmed by relatives. She's pretty. Of course. And I'm happy for him, probably happier for him than I've ever been happy for anyone who wasn't me. We've been really close as of late, and I love the kid. I wish that was all I felt. 

There's a pang of jealousy I didn't expect. I remember when he asked me if it was ok for him to date (and again when he was going to propose), but I never really thought there I'd be, single, at my own little brother's l'chaim. And I know soon enough will come the looks of pity, which makes things worse. I pity myself, I don't need yours. But this is how things played out. Because this was His plan, and somehow, this is for the best. So I suck it up, put on my biggest grin, and join the crowd surrounding the girl and my brother. He can never know.